By the end of last week, I was fried. End-of-year work issues, holiday parties, over-eating, drinking and spending, gift-giving galore, school performances, teacher presents, another month of interrupted, crumby sleep…Talking to my friend, I shared with some embarassment that I was feeling kind of desperate, really bottoming out. Without missing a beat, she declared that I needed to go see Irena, her accupuncturist “with a gift”. Within 48 hours, thanks to Irena’s sypathetic ear and kind soul, she opened her office on a Sunday afternoon and I was sitting opposite Irena. (Good thing my friend hadn’t directed me to drown my sorrows in ice cream or shopping….)

When she asked me again what I needed help with, again I shared that I felt embarassed to be telling her that I felt depressed and anxious, totally exhausted. Defensively, I added “my life is lovely…healthy kids, lovely home, caring husband”. With a warm smile she replied with what I already knew that “lovely” did not necessarily feed the soul. Other wisdom she shared rather matter-of-factly: evolution had predetermined some of the social and emotional circumstances of my life. For instance, it was ok to feel embarassed to be feeling so low–humans are tribal by nature and the tribe can’t handle too much depression and anxiety. I shouldn’t feel badly about feeling depressed but it was wise to keep one’s feelings to oneself if not feeling completely safe; otherwise the tribe might leave you in the desert to be eaten by anmals (!) These days, people often don’t know how to respond so it is not safe to reveal to everyone how you are feeling. Also to keep my expectations for my husband’s response realistic–that evolution did not allow for straight men to be fully understanding of women’s emotions, that was not their primary role. Fine to share but keep my expectations minimal or be prepared to be disappointed. Irena said all this with kindness and confidence, and I chuckled at myself as I took it all in as obvious.

We spoke at length before I stripped down and prepared for the needle placement. Everything she said seemed so straightforward, so wise. She claimed no credit for herself and simply said the Chinese figured this all out some 4000 years ago. The greatest gem boiled down to the directive that I should try not to overthink things so much. The explanation had something to do with the Chinese determining that too much emotion was the result of too much overthinking and that I’d be better off to just do some of the stuff that I worried about, the consequences of which did not seem very dire. (”So what do you think will happen if you clean off your desk and throw out all those papers and magazines that are weighing you down?”)

My three kids are now awake and playing restlessly on the bed next to me. My husband has left for work and I’m on so this story will need to be continued later…lets see how I do not overthinking for now. To be continued…Diane