On Friday, my older son was mean to another child during a parent breakfast. Thus, not only was I present but so was the other boy’s mother and many other parents. A good thing because we were there and could intervene. A bad thing because we were there and could intervene.

Two days earlier, I had attended a parent presentation on Children’s Developing Friendships during which the presenter specifically stated that 99.9% of all children were mean at one time or another. Not a pretty sight, but a normal one, in which they play out feelings of power, anger, whatever. She also recommended that in the majority of cases parents should not get involved as children are learning, with the help of their teachers at times, to navigate social relationships. Afterwards, the PTA president asked if there could be a follow up presentation about Parents Developing Friendships and how they should behave when incidents occur. Everyone chuckled at the time. After my son was the instigator of meaness in my presence, I was reminded of what she meant.

I felt angry at my son. I felt sorry for the other child. I felt guilty and embarassed with the other child’s mom. I was even embarassed telling the teacher about the incident in the hopes that she could help out. Fortunately for me, the teacher, the other mom and my friend (who later talked me down) were all calm and rather matter of fact. They recognized it as what it was–a normal though unkind part of childhood behavior. I was not satan and neither was my child. Duh. So many uncomfortable feelings I would rather do without.

Fortunately, the weekend came and I was given just what I needed: a break!! A break from my job, from work (outside the home), colleagues, teachers, parents. With the break came a change in my perspective, a reminder of how much larger my life is than any one interaction, than any one job. And how my son is so much more than any one interaction.

Late yesterday afternoon, I went to the playground with my older son and baby boy in his stroller. For some reason no one else was there so it was oddly calm and quiet. The weather was unseasonably warm, the sun looked unusually gigantic and a gorgeous red-orange as it set over the Hudson river. We went on the swings and the slides then rested on a bench. And all felt right in the world. I took in the beauty of the world, my life, my children and vowed to cap off everyday with an outing to the playground. And then I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the notion that daily trips to the playground could possibly insure me peace. I’m still chuckling…xx Diane