A good analogy is that if the anger well becomes too high, there’s a threat that the water will spill over. In real terms it means we might let loose on our kid by doing or saying something we otherwise wouldn’t have. Becoming aware of your internal anger state is a key preventative tactic. If you’ve had a rough day with multiple stressors, if you’ve been sick or more tired than usual, if there’s something disruptive going on in your life, be aware. Notice whether your pump is primed. Just bringing your awareness to your internal state can often defuse a potentially explosive reaction.
If your anger pump is primed, bring your attention to it. Where are you holding the anger in your body? Are your teeth clenched? Take a moment to loosen your jaw. Is your breathing constricted? Take three deep and releasing breaths. Notice the tension wherever it is. For this mantra it is less important that you alter your anger than you become aware of it. As you go through the rest of the day, gently remind yourself that the pump is primed. See every other minor event with this knowledge. Knowing that you are already primed can often serve as a warning for you to bring greater awareness to each incident that happens. Knowing that the pump is primed can help you bring a broader perspective to the situation. Rather than snapping, you give yourself the space to consider how you might react, knowing that you are already emotionally charged.